The Golden Ass

I was asked to do the spiritual portion of the morning conference call this morning at work. I didn't make it through without breaking down, lol. This pic, I hope, will helps serve as a kind of visual icon and reminder of the message and truth I tried to bear and carry. For me, I associate the image more with the temptation than the "trust" I discussed. So, this was what I shared:

Part of why I got into nursing was because I envisioned myself caring for people rather than treating them as cogs in a machine, letting them know they are cared for as human beings rather than as numbers in a conglomerate mass of bureaucratic B.S. There is a band called "Rage Against the Machine" for a reason.

Just because I have been gifted with sight of the problems with alienating things like bureaucracy and rule of law - whereas most others seems to take such things for granted - hasn't made this either easy or automatic. What I have discovered is that I am the bureaucratic B.S. I am the Rage Against the Machine. Because I have been formed into the image of the machine. When I get overwhelmed, I tend to, in turn, feel overwhelmed with a temptation to self-assertion verging on violence. "It's deep in my bones," as theologian Stanley Hauerwas says.

So, when I have deadlines or am overwhelmed with the amount of work to do because of the bureaucratic B.S., I still tend to get anxious, impatient, and angry. I am still tempted to rush through visits and be less (than) present with the flesh and blood human beings in front of my face. My very desire to overcome Babylonian dreams tends to itself become a Babylonian dream. I tend, in such situations, to want to be as fast, efficient, and functional as possible to relieve the stress placed upon all of us by the demands for speed, efficiency, and the reign of pragmatism upon a profession that is about actually caring for people.
These moves I tend to want to make to deal with my stress are all a big cover up for deep stuff that is difficult to deal with and process. And, I think it can only really be dealt with at an altar where blood is shed.

Historically, these demands, this vision for bureaucracy, has its roots in drastic measures taken by Napoleon to deal with the overwhelmingly large scale of his new version of Babylon. Napoleon wasn't exactly a man of peace, not quite a Son of Compassion.

So, in the end, there's no perfect system, no perfect way, no perfect humans. And there never was.
Napoleon rose out of the ashes of the French Revolution. And, we all know that modern revolutions became a thing only because, when actual in the flesh humans are in charge rather than putting themselves at the trust and mercy of a massive, mechanical system, things tend to towards a pretty messy injustice. Both the reasons for modern revolutions and the revolutions themselves are, in a sense, one kind of "altar where blood is shed." Humans didn't trust humans, and for good reason.

That's interesting to me, because part of caring and being cared for is establishing a deeply human trust and entrusting ourselves to another. We aren't perfect, but our work can be towards the edification of others. So, when I am get angry, stressed, and impatient in response to the inhumanity of bureaucratic B.S., I am breaking the bonds of trust that make care of humans possible. I am breaking the trust that gives shape and form to the image of humanity that is the reason why I'm a nurse.

So, with that in mind, what I have to do when these situations arise, when I am tempted to a distrusting posture of anger, stress, and impatience, is to remember that "who's in charge" isn't, in the end, a massive, idolatrous system of alienation and death. There is someone who took that death on upon his own flesh. He asks us to take on his way of suffering the stresses, anxieties, and efficiencies, the utterly dark alienation, the inhumanity and the degradation. He asks us to take those things upon ourselves WITH HIM. He asks us to trust him enough to suffer with him. TRUST. There's that word.

So, as I see it, the only way to trusting, caring relationships in our world of Rage Against the Machine is the Way of the Cross. The way of suffering the reasons for the rage, of taking the posture of the one who suffered rather than fighting back in a rage. He himself entrusted himself to the Father. He trusted. He didn't let go of an all-consuming, faithful, covenant fire of love to the point of his very own death. And, well, in the end, that turned out OK with him. He says we share in his glory when we share in his suffering.

From Colossians 1

15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. 16 For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. 17 And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. 19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.

21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, 22 he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, 23 if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister.