The Golden Ass

OK so for those of you who don't know, we are having a huge storm here with lots of flooding and rain, and my tires have no treads left so i figured it would be good to get the tires changed on my car. So i dropped my car off at AAA this morning as I arrived at work, which is just next door. But the parking lot of my work was flooded, so with my umbrella in my left hand, big green bag slung on my shoulder and coffee in my right hand I was walking toward the street to get to work on the sidewalk. Uumm, just then, randomly, the wind broke my umbrella. So here I am, still holding the handle of the umbrella in my left hand, running (I mean lumbering, thanks to my giant green bag) toward the street trying to catch my newly ineffective umbrella. It was a little bit of an extra challenge, because I was also trying not to spill my coffee. I was also laughing really hard realizing that the people in AAA could see me. LMAO. Well I didn't catch it in time and the umbrella went in the street. God bless my umbrella; may it rest in peace, wherever the 50 mile an hour winds have taken it. So, still laughing really hard I ran (uumm, lumbered) to work as fast as I could, unsuccessfully trying not to spill my coffee all over myself. Lmao. I arrived with a bang (literally, as the wind blew the door shut behind me), still laughing really hard and still holding the handle to my umbrella up for all to see and gaze at with wonder and amazement.

A little while later I had to take a dump. OK so I was having stomach issues this morning :P And when I flushed, well everything KINDA went down, but not EVERYTHING. So I had to flush again. But everything else is flooded around here, so the toilet flooded too - all over the bathroom floor. Then, fittingly, I broke the mop trying to squeegie the water out of it, lmao. Many paper towels later, the bathroom floor was pretty much OK. But not my stomach. So a little while later I went into a different, newer bathroom, with a newer toilet. It flushed fine, but I'm sure everyone heard the toilet paper dispenser fall to the floor with a resounding crash when I tried to wipe. Then everyone probably heard me laughing and the toilet flushing successfully.

Then later at lunch time, since its raining like crazy and I have no car, we called Papa Johns for a pizza delivery. Yes, I called PAPA Johns after breaking the little mini john. Their internet is down, and they are not taking any orders. Lol. A fitting end to a funny morning. :)

Then later in the afternoon, when i went to pick up my car at AAA, i found out that they DID IN FACT see what happened between myself, the wind and my former umbrella; and they were in fact laughing. AND i found out what happened to the umbrella, lol. It blew down the street (behind me when I was running to work) and hit a car! :P

The end.